I left St. Louis in mid-December for a trip home to AZ for Christmas. Honestly, I was not in a good place emotionally or spiritually. As I looked back on my first few months on campus I had a hard time identifying where God was working. I felt frustrated by the lack of fruit and equally frustrated by my apparent inability to sustain reasonable expectations for this new season of life and ministry. My struggle with perfectionism was on full display!
One Voice student leaders at our last gathering for the fall semester.
Plans to spend ample time with Jesus over the break didn't pan out - I spent most of my two weeks at home lying on the couch trying to get over a sinus infection. The thought of returning to campus for another semester of scrambling to do something, anything to prove that my ministry is worthwhile felt overwhelming to say the least.
I flew back into St. Louis on January 2 in order to attend InterVarsity's National Staff Conference. It happens once every three years and it is the only time when all 1500 or so of us are together. The theme of this year's conference was "I Am Not Ashamed of the Gospel". I came into the week feeling so weary, but expectant that God would speak to my heart in a significant way. He did.
As I listened to powerfully convicting teaching from Romans and had the privilege of engaging in praise and worship with my coworkers, I heard Jesus reminding me that He is attractive enough just as He is. I get so hung up on contextualizing truth for a postmodern college audience. Until that moment I hadn't realized that part of my preoccupation was evidence of my fear that He is not able to do what He's been doing for all of history. I feel the the crippling need to make it look right, say it the right way - as if that is enough to convince people into the Kingdom! I heard Jesus say, "The Gospel is powerful enough. My Spirit is at work. Move forward in faith." The Spirit was truly at work in our midst and it was incredible!
That just scratches the surface of what God did in me at staff conference, but I hope it give you some insight. Students began classes again last week. I hosted our first leader gathering for the spring at my apartment on Saturday and something was different. As I shared about my hope that we would be in tune with the Spirit's leading, rather than simply continuing to plan programs and events in the hope that others will show up when invited, there was excitement among the team. We're moving forward with a unity of purpose that I don't think ever fully crystallized during the fall. Praise God for fresh vision and new life!
I can't wait to see where this leads...
I flew back into St. Louis on January 2 in order to attend InterVarsity's National Staff Conference. It happens once every three years and it is the only time when all 1500 or so of us are together. The theme of this year's conference was "I Am Not Ashamed of the Gospel". I came into the week feeling so weary, but expectant that God would speak to my heart in a significant way. He did.
As I listened to powerfully convicting teaching from Romans and had the privilege of engaging in praise and worship with my coworkers, I heard Jesus reminding me that He is attractive enough just as He is. I get so hung up on contextualizing truth for a postmodern college audience. Until that moment I hadn't realized that part of my preoccupation was evidence of my fear that He is not able to do what He's been doing for all of history. I feel the the crippling need to make it look right, say it the right way - as if that is enough to convince people into the Kingdom! I heard Jesus say, "The Gospel is powerful enough. My Spirit is at work. Move forward in faith." The Spirit was truly at work in our midst and it was incredible!
That just scratches the surface of what God did in me at staff conference, but I hope it give you some insight. Students began classes again last week. I hosted our first leader gathering for the spring at my apartment on Saturday and something was different. As I shared about my hope that we would be in tune with the Spirit's leading, rather than simply continuing to plan programs and events in the hope that others will show up when invited, there was excitement among the team. We're moving forward with a unity of purpose that I don't think ever fully crystallized during the fall. Praise God for fresh vision and new life!
I can't wait to see where this leads...
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